…sense of urgency. The birthmark of an unloved daughter of confused parents, forever running, because if you stop, you fall. You must maintain the speed, like an aircraft. You must have muscles of steel, and sharp brain, or else no one will love you. And, ah, no one did love you, because they were concerned with their own speed. My mother. Your father. Uncle Steve who lost his job, started drinking, and no one wanted to talk to him him anymore. Therefore you must also be fit. You must have no fear. Except for the fear of falling. Your fear of falling must be insane. Even in your dreams. Especially in your dreams.
There was this boy called Aum, who was doing really well, but all of a sudden started falling. Everyone was shocked, because they would never expect him fall. They were so puzzled in fact, they called it brain cancer. They didn’t know any better, and they had to call it something. Thus, for everyone, Aum became a boy sick with an illness called cancer. And that is why he was falling.
By some weird coincidence, as Aum kept falling, for a second he was falling past me, and I clearly saw him winking his eye. He was as though smiling, but I’m not entirely sure of that, because the encounter was so brief. Well, he was falling, and I was running, and these were two different directions. And yet, since that day, Aum was stuck in my head. I was thinking of Aum, dreaming of Aum, feeling of Aum.
As days passed by, the memory of the incident wouldn’t fade. My obsession with Aum became so strong, that soon it started questioning my fear of falling. What if I slowed down just a tiny bit, fall an inch, and then pick it back up again? What if I try, and see how it feels like? I tried. It felt like a tiny earthquake. I was so scared, that I could hear clearly the blood rushing madly through the veins. This very sound also calmed me down, because it was like ocean waves washing the shore. One of my favourite things on Earth.
This falling business became a quite a thing soon. I couldn’t sleep at night. I thought I was mad. But then, if I was already mad, it would do no harm to try and fall just a little bit more. Each time I fell, I was fell for a little longer. I was afraid to tell anyone. If I did, no one would love me. I would be forever alone. And then one day I found myself madly missing Aum, a boy whom I saw for a split second once in my entire life. So I said: “Aum”, and started falling.
As I was falling I fell past many other people falling, and others running. Then I fell past the planet Earth, then the Moon, and then all of a sudden I ceased falling and started pleasantly floating, and it was precisely the feeling I always wanted to have.
I keep pleasantly floating as I write in fact. Can you believe it? Me and Aum, we are eating chocolate here without fear of becoming fat. We are cracking jokes, checking the Facebook. Well, all of the things we did before, basically. It’s hard to explain, but you should try it. I’m not saying, like, now, but, eventually. When you are ready. And have had enough of running.
Me and Aum, (both alive and real people, just a little nuts.)